


Forgiveness

by lastweekon



Category: Ghost Adventures (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 09:17:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6651976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastweekon/pseuds/lastweekon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick can't forgive himself for what happened during an investigation and Zak fears losing him because of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> There is some violence. I don't think it's overly graphic, but you have been warned!

Zak started awake, wincing in pain as his sore muscles responded to the sudden movement. He’d been having that dream again. His shirt was soaked with sweat and his body shook as he breathed deeply, bringing his heart rate down. This was the sixth night this week. Every night since he’d gotten home. The dream was always the same; the air hung thick with a musty dampness. The hallway was shrouded in the kind of darkness that seemed to go on forever, as if you could walk off one direction and never turn back. As if you could truly lose yourself in the shadows. The building hummed with electricity. It vibrated through the very foundation as if the ground itself was charged and ready to attack. In the dream, Zak turned to Nick, just as he had, a second too late. If only he had listened to his instincts a moment sooner, things might have been different. Then, there was pain. It caught him off guard in the dark; knocking the breath from his lungs and bringing tears to his eyes. Fists made contact with his ribs again and again. He put his hands out to block them, but it was no use. It was too dark and there was no way to tell which direction they came from. Zak backed up, trying hard to catch his breath between punches. Sharp pain shot through his abdomen with each blow and he doubled over as he fought to stay standing. A fist caught him in the jaw, sending him backward into the wall. His knees buckled as he slid to the floor. For a moment it was quiet and he thought that maybe it was over. Maybe it had passed. But a foot caught him hard in the stomach, lifting him momentarily off the ground. He saw spots, and then he saw nothing. And that’s when he woke up. 

Zak’s body trembled as he tried to put the dream out of his mind. He turned over slowly, trying his best to keep the wincing to a minimum. But Nick wasn’t there. Again. Which made this the sixth night in a row. Zak swallowed the growing lump in his throat as he took a deep, calming breath. Slowly, he made his way up and out of the bed. Every bone in his body ached. He stripped off his sweaty shirt, grabbing for a new one. He took a look at the damage in the mirror. His midsection and face were covered in deep purple and green bruises. Most of the swelling had gone down over the past few days, but it would be a while before he was back to his normal self. He pulled the clean shirt over his head before making his way downstairs. 

Nick sat in the living room, silently staring out the window. Zak watched him quietly for a moment, wondering how long he’d been sitting there like that.   
“Morning babe.” he said as casually as he could manage. “How long have you been up?”   
Nick was quiet for a long moment. His shoulders were rigid and the deep bags under his eyes told Zak that he had likely never gone to sleep.   
“A while.” he said finally.   
“I missed you upstairs.” Zak said, making his way closer. “I thought you said you were gonna come up last night?” Nick’s eyes lowered somberly to the floor. Zak moved closer still. “You know I sleep better when you’re with me.” Zak continued, sitting himself down on the arm of Nick’s chair. He brought a hand up, aimlessly rubbing at the stiffness in Nick’s shoulders. Nick instinctively rolled his head to the side, inching himself away from Zak’s touch. Zak exhaled, defeated. He pulled his hands back reluctantly, crossing his arms over his chest. He sucked in an involuntary sharp breath when his arms made contact with his bruised midsection. Nick’s eyes shot up, looking into Zak’s for the first time that day. Every feature of his face awash in sorrow and guilt. Zak cursed himself for accidentally bringing attention to the pain he was in. It was the last thing Nick needed right now.   
“I’m fine.” Zak said with a soft smile. Nick’s eyes were dark with pain as he took in Zak’s face. He reached a hand up, grazing his fingers over the worst of the bruises. It was the first time Nick had really touched him in days and even though Zak could feel the misery running deep through his fingers, he pressed lightly into his touch, savoring it. He took Nick’s hand in his own, pressing his lips to the younger man’s finger tips. When he wasn’t denied, he slowly snaked his other arm around the back of Nick’s neck, pulling him in as he leaned down to press their lips together.   
“Zak…” Nick protested, pulling back.   
“Please?” Zak begged. “I miss you.”  
“I’m sorry.” Nick said quietly dejected.  
“You don’t have to _be_ sorry! That’s what I keep telling you. There’s nothing for you to apologize for.” Zak said, feeling hopelessly frustrated with the situation. It had been days of this already with no end in sight. If anything, Nick looked more and more upset each day.   
“Did you dream about it again last night?” Nick asked gravely. Zak exhaled deeply, desperately trying to come up with a way to get through to him.   
“Nick, I -”   
“I know you did, Zak. And you have _every_ night since we got back.” Nick said seriously. “I heard you. I heard you calling out my name, _begging me_ to stop hurting you.” His voice broke, but his eyes were stormy as he carried on. “The pain in your voice at just the _memory_. I can’t even imagine…” He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. He lowered his head into his hands. Zak placed a hand on Nick’s back, trying to comfort him. He wasn’t wrong. The memory of that night was likely something that would follow Zak to the grave. But it wasn’t for the reasons Nick thought. Sure, it hurt. It hurt like hell. But the physical pain was nothing in comparison to the emotional scar he knew it would leave on Nick. And the thought of losing him because of it was more than Zak could handle.   
“Nick, it wasn’t you.” Zak said simply. Nick locked eyes with Zak, the torment coloring every feature.   
“But it _was_ me. It was these hands…” he said, raising his palms into the air in disgust. “I did it. And I _remember_ doing it. That’s the worst part. I remember. So say what you want, but it was me Zak.”   
“Physically, maybe. But it wasn’t _you_. Not really.” Zak said, taking Nick’s face in his hands. “I know you would never hurt me.” he said earnestly.   
“I already did, Zak.” He stood abruptly, pulling himself from Zak’s grip. He ran a hand through the back of his hair, his face clouded and distressed. “Look...it’s been a few days now and I think you’re on the mend. You’re walking around more easily and you don’t really need me around at this point. So...I think I’m gonna go.” Nick said, unable to meet Zak’s eyes.   
“Go where?” Zak demanded.   
“I’m not really sure.” Nick confessed. “Probably get a hotel room or something. For now at least.”  
“Like hell you will!” Zak barked. “You’re not going anywhere. You’re staying here with me.” Zak said, panic growing with every word.   
“I can’t be around you, Zak.” Nick said sadly. “It’s not safe. I’m scared to touch you… I don’t want to hurt you again.”  
“You won’t!” Zak cried. Hot tears clouded his vision as he reached out to grab for Nick. He managed to snag him by the shirt, grabbing fistfulls of the fabric before Nick could move away. “Please don’t do this.” he begged. “You don’t have to do this. Just stay with me. Please. I need you here.”   
“Please don’t make this harder than it already is.” Nick said sadly. “I just think this is the best thing right now. The safest thing for you.”   
“So what? You don’t want to be with me anymore?” Zak asked, tears streaming down his cheeks.   
“Zak…”   
“I can’t help but feel like this is just a really convenient way for you to get out of this relationship. If you don’t want to be with me anymore, then just come out and say it!” he said, tightening his grip on Nick’s shirt.   
“That’s not what this is.” Nick said, grabbing Zak firmly by his shoulders. His eyes swam with the kind of warmth that usually made Zak’s stomach flutter. But now he feared it might break him completely. “I love you, Zak. I’ll always love you. And I’d do _anything_ to keep you safe. Even if it breaks my heart to do it.”  
“Don’t I get a say in this?” Zak asked.   
“Of course you do. But at the end of the day, I’m gonna do what’s best for you.” Nick said.   
“You’re what’s best for me. Why can’t you see that?” Zak questioned. He grabbed tightly onto Nick’s hips, keeping him as close as possible. “What we do...it’s so hard. There’s so much darkness and fear. It’s so easy to get lost in it. But with you… you’re my light.” Zak continued, voice breaking. “You always pull me back. And you’re the only one who understand me. And you love me anyway. Without you...it’ll just be darkness. And I’ll disappear in it, Nick. I will. If you really want to keep me safe, then you can’t leave me now. Please?” Zak’s words hung heavily in the air. He held Nick’s gaze; scared to move, scared to blink. Desperately afraid to lose him. Nick was quiet for a long moment as he processed Zak’s words. He opened his mouth to speak, sucking in a quick breath to silence himself. He was clearly at war with himself and Zak was determined to tip the scale. He took a deep breath, crashing his lips onto Nick’s, kissing him desperately. Nick’s body was rigid in Zak’s arms, but he didn’t back away or try and stop him. Zak pulled Nick in tighter, wrapping his arms firmly around the younger man’s waist as his fingers dug into the tight muscles. Nick exhaled deeply as the tension in his shoulders fell. Hesitant lips moved against Zak’s, and he savored the familiar taste, moaning quietly into the kiss. Nick’s lips sprung to life at the sound, kissing back hungrily. His hands ghosted over Zak, never resting in one spot for long, careful not to apply pressure to the bruised skin. Zak felt as though he could kiss Nick forever and still never get enough. Nick broke the kiss, pulling his face back but keeping his body firmly glued to Zak’s.   
“I’m scared.” he said, eyes tense with fear. “I’m scared of hurting you again, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to leave.”   
Zak kissed the corners of his mouth before kissing him softly on the lips once more. “You don’t have to be afraid. Just having you here...I feel safer than I have in days.”   
“But I’ve been here the whole time, Zak. And I hear you screaming in your sleep. I came upstairs the first couple of nights and I didn’t know what to do. You were so scared and you were in pain and I felt so powerless to stop it. I was afraid to touch you or try to wake you up because I couldn’t stand to see you looking at me with that fear in your eyes. Not again.” Nick said, lowering his eyes in shame. Zak held Nick’s face in his hands, bringing his eyes up to meet his own.   
“Nick, do you know what I do every night when I wake up from that dream?” he asked. “I turn over in bed and I look for you. You’re all I want when it’s over. I’m not afraid of you and I never will be. The only thing that scares me is losing you. So please...don’t pull away from me.” Nick nodded his head as relief washed over his tired face. He pressed his forehead to Zak’s, closing his eyes and sinking into the older man’s arms. Zak gladly accepted the extra weight as he hugged Nick tightly. “I don’t know about you,” Zak started “but I’m exhausted. You wanna go upstairs and take a nap?”   
Nick smiled softly. “Yeah, let’s go.” he said, taking Zak’s hand in his.

**Author's Note:**

> This might be the most angsty thing I've ever written. I'm pretty sure I used every single synonym for sorrow that exists.


End file.
